Pop psychologists and a few of their feminist cohorts warn us against the evils of fairy tales. Apparently, the age-old stories set girls up for disappointment. They depict young women as helpless victims - neither independent nor strong. Fairy Tales were the Helen Reddy "I am Woman" antidote. I disagree - not so much with Ms. Reddy vs. Cinderella, but with the notion that 17th century chicks were depicted as meek and frail. My childhood heroines in all of the classics - Snow White, Sleeping Beauty and all the others had more spunk and character than their male counterparts. I don't remember thinking that these women were weak or passive - sitting around waiting for a knight in shining armour to ride up on a white horse. They were remarkably brave, patient and always scored the prince! Maybe there were some weird, socially unacceptable elements of original European folklore that stress the scholars out, but I know that the sanitized versions of my favourite stories painted glorious images of knights and princes who were not only dripping with charm, but willing to sacrifice everything for the sake of the girl. How can you not love that? Unless, of course, you're one of those prince charming guys - trying to slay dragons, impress kings and consistently risk your life in the name of love. It's the boys, if anyone that have it rough on the fairy tale scene - looking like medieval UFC fighters, desperate to win the prize.
Fast forward to 2011. Despite their antiquity, aren't we all in search of the quintessential fairy tale? The perfect romance, the magical backdrop, the happy ending? I believe that we all carry our private image of the "ideal". It's different for each of us, based on our own favourite "story", but it is the standard of perfection against which we measure each of life's moments. Pop artists sing "today was a fairy tale", brides strive for the "fairy tale wedding", and I certainly love the fairy tale vacation, celebration and Christmas gathering (Well, ok - that can be Normal Rockwell-ish...but he had a fairy tale thing going on)...That's what prompted me to blog about this notion of "perfection" that some of us like to shoot for - based on romantic images, and warm, familiar feelings of pure comfort and joy. Most excellent in the pursuit of the "fairy tale experience" is the fact that beauty and perfection is subjective. My perfect moment looks, feels and sounds vastly different from someone else's. Mine projects an unbelievable sense of peace, satisfaction and fulfillment FOR ME that no one else would realize...and I'm sure that, as my daughter or sons live through some of their moments of ultimate perfection I'll remain oblivious to them. But, despite the vast differences in how we measure "awesomeness", I love the fact that we do! Call them fairy tale stories, fairy tale endings, fantasies, or simply perfect tradition - it's wonderful to strive for a moment that can be etched in our memories as "the perfect whatever..." It's wonderful to create a personal library in our minds and hearts that archives all of those great moments, and designs our barometer of excellence against which we measure all of life's adventures.
As the new year takes stride, I am compelled to capture, in pictures, words and through any other means, those moments of pure pleasure from the 2010 holiday season. I am anxious to compile my own collection of fairy tales - all with happy endings, beautiful settings and captivating characters! January - a month of new beginnings - always inspires nostalgia for me. It's the month where I organize my family pictures - in albums and on-line. It's a month where I take inventory of the relationships that bless our lives, and celebrate the abundance in our home. My 2010 fairy tale stories include warm nights by the pool - watching ping pong tournaments, sipping chilled white wine and smiling with every burst of laughter and cannonball splash. A fairy tale cruise, where my very own knight in shining armour delivered champagne at sunrise. My family around the Christmas tree in their Santa hats, our dear friends and parents celebrating the holidays at our annual Holiday open house, and the road trips to Barrie, country music blasting and conversations rich with humour and teen aged insight, competing for the closest arrival time, and itching to see cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents again ! Counting down the last few seconds of a year, with anticipation of what the new one will bring. My fairy tales include a night of "kitchen table talk" with the girls in their sweat pants - contrasted by a night where they take our breath away with their evening dresses and shoulder-length curls! Watching hockey by a roaring fire, cheering in a freezing rink, or on a sizzling soccer field. Playing scrabble at home on a Saturday night or pretending to travel the globe with our dinner club friends, experimenting with the tastes, sights and sounds of exotic lands! 2010 was filled with my kind of fairy tales - beautiful stories of battles won, relationships grown, adventures taken and lessons learned. Like any great story, there were hardships and challenges. There were struggles and disappointments - but each of them helped to fine tune my definition of what "great" should look like...who merits the "knighthood" and how do the heroes and heroines measure up? In my world, 2010 was a great year; I am still crazy for my knight; hungry for adventure; and a real sucker for traditional, romantic happy endings....So here's to a new chapter, more hero-making moments and a few epic escapades. Good luck to those in constant pursuit of knighthood...and long live the fairy tale!!!
Monday, October 11, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Time
Time: Such a simple word to describe such a complicated concept. Time is the most precious commodity there is, and the only resource that is evenly distributed throughout the entire universe - at 24 hour increments each...yet, some people never have enough of it, while others seem to have it in abundance! I wonder if that's because - like other precious resources, time is squandered by some and preserved by others - or invested wisely by some and spent foolishly by others...All I know for sure is that "time" is at a premium these days, and creates victims and villains with each passing moment...The victims can't achieve their goals because there's just no time...and the villains seem to rob everyone of time through wasteful vices...Time is the crutch propping up every excuse we have for shortcomings and Time is the hero when it comes to healing, learning, and growing.
I believe I played the "victim of time" role for a long time, using my shortage of time as rationale for not investing in myself, my friendships and my passions. There was no time to go to the gym, or go out for coffee...to read a book or join a book club. I didn't see the value of investing my precious resource in things that - at the time - seemed unproductive. But today, I view things differently. Today, I know that the time spent building relationships, taking care to have a healthy mind and body, and growing as a person will generate great returns. I may not end up with more time, but I'll have better quality time. A shift in priorities, from reactive "fire fighting" to a more relaxed focus on what truly matters has helped in the journey. I've learned to pick my battles and walk away from ones with a low impact outcome. I've learned to pick my friends and walk away from people who are toxic and draining. I've learned that doing what you truly enjoy stokes the fire and re-energizes you...so the time you'd typically spend complaining, recharging or resting can be put to much better use. I've learned to listen to my authentic voice...I had no idea what that meant for the longest time...all of the leadership books and courses kept saying "tune in to your authentic voice". I guess mine was so buried in all of the corporate acumen and "mom politics" that it was muffled at best! But time and it's cohort, patience allowed me the opportunity to finally hear...and the the message was: everyone really does only get 24 hours in a day...but we don't all get the same number of days in a lifetime, so stop racing to the finish line as if you know where the finish line is. Why would you want to sprint a marathon - there's no fun in that! My thirties were all about racing the clock. Young kids, young career and lots to get done. My mid-forties are all about adopting a new attitude that is more about slowing the clock...I know you can't cheat that sand back into the hourglass, but I'm hoping there's a way to see and appreciate each grain as it passes through. That's the word of the elusive authentic voice: spend time on what you enjoy, what you're good at, and what others can appreciate you for.
I flexed the "new attitude" muscle a few times this year, and I've got to admit - I like it! Take March Break for example. What would typically have been one of those rush around vacations where you max out every tourist attraction, book every excursion and schedule every minute was instead a clinic in relaxation! A cruise ship in the middle of the Caribbean - surrounded by tranquil waters, family and good friends. Time stood still and it took a few days to release the urge to check the time - and to lose the "I have to be somewhere" feeling. It was liberating to surrender to laughter. To take a nap in the middle of the afternoon, to read a book or stroll on the deck at 3 in the morning - and to experience pure joy watching the kids meet new people and have the time of their lives. Stress free vacationing, like stress-free living, seems to replenish time by rejuvenating mind and body. Now, my challenge is to translate the surreal way of life on a cruise ship into a permanent euphoria in my real life...a lofty goal - but one that's worth aiming for...maybe the plans for a new backyard pool and hot tub will be a great launching point...surrounding ourselves with family, friends, great books, good food and maybe some Vegas-style nightclub act every once and a while. Follow up with midnight strolls, champaigne at sunrise and the occasional adrenaline-pumping adventure and I will have the time puzzle all figured out! Whatever lessons the passage of time delivers this year, I will turn to the simple, placid days on the ocean as my anchor when weathering any storms ahead!
I believe I played the "victim of time" role for a long time, using my shortage of time as rationale for not investing in myself, my friendships and my passions. There was no time to go to the gym, or go out for coffee...to read a book or join a book club. I didn't see the value of investing my precious resource in things that - at the time - seemed unproductive. But today, I view things differently. Today, I know that the time spent building relationships, taking care to have a healthy mind and body, and growing as a person will generate great returns. I may not end up with more time, but I'll have better quality time. A shift in priorities, from reactive "fire fighting" to a more relaxed focus on what truly matters has helped in the journey. I've learned to pick my battles and walk away from ones with a low impact outcome. I've learned to pick my friends and walk away from people who are toxic and draining. I've learned that doing what you truly enjoy stokes the fire and re-energizes you...so the time you'd typically spend complaining, recharging or resting can be put to much better use. I've learned to listen to my authentic voice...I had no idea what that meant for the longest time...all of the leadership books and courses kept saying "tune in to your authentic voice". I guess mine was so buried in all of the corporate acumen and "mom politics" that it was muffled at best! But time and it's cohort, patience allowed me the opportunity to finally hear...and the the message was: everyone really does only get 24 hours in a day...but we don't all get the same number of days in a lifetime, so stop racing to the finish line as if you know where the finish line is. Why would you want to sprint a marathon - there's no fun in that! My thirties were all about racing the clock. Young kids, young career and lots to get done. My mid-forties are all about adopting a new attitude that is more about slowing the clock...I know you can't cheat that sand back into the hourglass, but I'm hoping there's a way to see and appreciate each grain as it passes through. That's the word of the elusive authentic voice: spend time on what you enjoy, what you're good at, and what others can appreciate you for.
I flexed the "new attitude" muscle a few times this year, and I've got to admit - I like it! Take March Break for example. What would typically have been one of those rush around vacations where you max out every tourist attraction, book every excursion and schedule every minute was instead a clinic in relaxation! A cruise ship in the middle of the Caribbean - surrounded by tranquil waters, family and good friends. Time stood still and it took a few days to release the urge to check the time - and to lose the "I have to be somewhere" feeling. It was liberating to surrender to laughter. To take a nap in the middle of the afternoon, to read a book or stroll on the deck at 3 in the morning - and to experience pure joy watching the kids meet new people and have the time of their lives. Stress free vacationing, like stress-free living, seems to replenish time by rejuvenating mind and body. Now, my challenge is to translate the surreal way of life on a cruise ship into a permanent euphoria in my real life...a lofty goal - but one that's worth aiming for...maybe the plans for a new backyard pool and hot tub will be a great launching point...surrounding ourselves with family, friends, great books, good food and maybe some Vegas-style nightclub act every once and a while. Follow up with midnight strolls, champaigne at sunrise and the occasional adrenaline-pumping adventure and I will have the time puzzle all figured out! Whatever lessons the passage of time delivers this year, I will turn to the simple, placid days on the ocean as my anchor when weathering any storms ahead!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Foundations
I watch the news every night...not because I enjoy it, but because of an insatiable desire to be connected to a world beyond my back door. While the 60-minute broadcast represents someone else's notion of what's important - every so often a story will resonate with me, and inspire action or provoke thoughtfulness that would not have otherwise surfaced. A few weeks ago, Haiti was rocked with a series of devastating earthquakes - newsworthy by any network standards! The nightly images of desperation, shattered lives and hopelessness sparked a global relief effort. Everyone I knew wanted to make a difference in some way: We helped our kids raise money through the school, we dropped coins into every Haitian Relief box - at every mall, grocery store and hockey venue we visited, and we tuned in to telethons, concerts and other fundraisers - inspired by the power of a global community united towards a single cause. I believe we all crave the experience of a unified purpose that's larger than any one person or group. That's what makes us turn on the news every day, and that's what makes us human...the pure elation we feel when stories of hope and survival emerge from amidst the chaos. The compassion that surfaces with every tragedy is either a booming call to action or a subtle reminder that we've got it pretty good - either way - the daily news gets me thinking...
Fast forward a dozen or so days, and the stories of Haiti's recovery, Haiti's orphans and Haiti's hope are quickly overshadowed - as another global news story surfaces: The 2010 Olympics in Vancouver. We're transfixed once again as new images of opening day draw us together - to share stories of hope, and of tragedy. Once again, we feel overwhelming compassion, joy, hope and sorrow as the journey of each athlete unfolds. I love the Olympics and am passionate about the value of sport in our world That's why I drink in every segment each network produces about the Olympic journey every athlete has taken. These stories breathe life into the otherwise benign, yet impressive performances. Understanding the adversities that were overcome, the sacrifices made, the tough decisions, the pain endured and the insane level of commitment each Olympian struggled with on the road to Vancouver makes us feel invested and connected as a nation pulling together. I was moved to tears watching Joanie Rochette skate days after her mother died. I was emotionally connected to the sweetness of our first gold medalist, Alex as he hugged his mentally handicapped brother - dubbed his "inspiration" after taking the first gold on Canadian soil. I loved the ice dancers' story of how they had been together since they were 10 - and screamed when they won - Tessa and Scott are awesome role models and represent our nation well. What tugged on my heartstrings most during the Olympic games coverage was each athlete's reference to the foundation they relied on for their achievements. Parents, siblings, a whole community rallying behind them. Every success story comes with a band of unsung heroes - folks that made the difference on the road to excellence. As I consumed every second of coverage - I paid close attention to the foundation each athlete's career was built on, as 100% of our gold medalists talked about the extraordinary support, love and encouragement that got them to the top of the podium. Even Sydney Crosby has a solid foundation and awesome story of family support.
Fast forward a few days from the Opening ceremonies, and another earthquake is in the news. This one an 8.8 magnitude in Chile. The world digests a second tragedy amidst the Olympic drama. Personally, the images of peril, superimposed on the surreal excitement and angst of every sporting event sparked a metaphor that I've been thinking about ever since: the strength of every foundation - whether it is supporting a building or a human being determines how well each one can withstand an earth shattering blow!
When Haitian buildings were put to the test - their instability resulted in a crumbled pile of clay and stone. Stronger foundations garnered more favourable results...Just as some of the Canadian athletes had stories where they were shaken to the core - those with strong and stable foundations persevered. Cornerstones were cohesive family values, a supportive community and a persistent message from loved ones that confirmed "we believe in you"...The glue that bonds an unwavering foundation is made up of those things: A loving family, A strong community and constant affirmation.
As a mom, I may not be raising future Olympians, but I am raising amazing young men and a young woman whose world may one day be shaken by unforeseen challenges or tragedies. My goal is to be sure that the foundations we are building now are so strong that - no matter the magnitude of the blow, and no matter how devastating the impact - their foundation stays solid - so they can rebuild...That's why we watch Olympic games together; that's why we take road trips and plane trips to spend weekends with extended family. That's why we celebrate milestones together, acknowledge small victories and commiserate on the tough losses. We laugh together at the dinner table; we stay current online and we never go to sleep without saying goodnight! Strong foundations support even the most vulnerable structures....and people - elevating them to perform in extraordinary ways.
Fast forward a dozen or so days, and the stories of Haiti's recovery, Haiti's orphans and Haiti's hope are quickly overshadowed - as another global news story surfaces: The 2010 Olympics in Vancouver. We're transfixed once again as new images of opening day draw us together - to share stories of hope, and of tragedy. Once again, we feel overwhelming compassion, joy, hope and sorrow as the journey of each athlete unfolds. I love the Olympics and am passionate about the value of sport in our world That's why I drink in every segment each network produces about the Olympic journey every athlete has taken. These stories breathe life into the otherwise benign, yet impressive performances. Understanding the adversities that were overcome, the sacrifices made, the tough decisions, the pain endured and the insane level of commitment each Olympian struggled with on the road to Vancouver makes us feel invested and connected as a nation pulling together. I was moved to tears watching Joanie Rochette skate days after her mother died. I was emotionally connected to the sweetness of our first gold medalist, Alex as he hugged his mentally handicapped brother - dubbed his "inspiration" after taking the first gold on Canadian soil. I loved the ice dancers' story of how they had been together since they were 10 - and screamed when they won - Tessa and Scott are awesome role models and represent our nation well. What tugged on my heartstrings most during the Olympic games coverage was each athlete's reference to the foundation they relied on for their achievements. Parents, siblings, a whole community rallying behind them. Every success story comes with a band of unsung heroes - folks that made the difference on the road to excellence. As I consumed every second of coverage - I paid close attention to the foundation each athlete's career was built on, as 100% of our gold medalists talked about the extraordinary support, love and encouragement that got them to the top of the podium. Even Sydney Crosby has a solid foundation and awesome story of family support.
Fast forward a few days from the Opening ceremonies, and another earthquake is in the news. This one an 8.8 magnitude in Chile. The world digests a second tragedy amidst the Olympic drama. Personally, the images of peril, superimposed on the surreal excitement and angst of every sporting event sparked a metaphor that I've been thinking about ever since: the strength of every foundation - whether it is supporting a building or a human being determines how well each one can withstand an earth shattering blow!
When Haitian buildings were put to the test - their instability resulted in a crumbled pile of clay and stone. Stronger foundations garnered more favourable results...Just as some of the Canadian athletes had stories where they were shaken to the core - those with strong and stable foundations persevered. Cornerstones were cohesive family values, a supportive community and a persistent message from loved ones that confirmed "we believe in you"...The glue that bonds an unwavering foundation is made up of those things: A loving family, A strong community and constant affirmation.
As a mom, I may not be raising future Olympians, but I am raising amazing young men and a young woman whose world may one day be shaken by unforeseen challenges or tragedies. My goal is to be sure that the foundations we are building now are so strong that - no matter the magnitude of the blow, and no matter how devastating the impact - their foundation stays solid - so they can rebuild...That's why we watch Olympic games together; that's why we take road trips and plane trips to spend weekends with extended family. That's why we celebrate milestones together, acknowledge small victories and commiserate on the tough losses. We laugh together at the dinner table; we stay current online and we never go to sleep without saying goodnight! Strong foundations support even the most vulnerable structures....and people - elevating them to perform in extraordinary ways.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Food Wine and Design
I was having a "moment" the other day...and for the record, a "moment" is defined as: hot flash meets memory lapse. These moments usually generate a dual response: "holy s#@t, I'm 45 along with a mini epiphany of some sort. On this particular day, the "moment" inspired the question: "what cool and meaningful mission can I pursue when this 9 to 5 grind starts getting old?" I guess this can be paraphrased as "it's time to find a greater purpose" or "what should I be when I grow up?" At 45 - it's a valid question.
I'm sure that one day, I'll be hit head-on with a "vision". I'll understand my purpose - the meaning of life and the secrets of the universe...but by then it may be too late. So, I figured I ought to be a little bit more pro-active in finding something cool and meaningful to do later in life and I dug out a cool article that appealed to me several months ago. It was one of those intriguing pieces found in a magazine - and I knew that one day, in one "moment", I'd be inspired to do something with it.
The article suggested to write down three things you really enjoy - that DOES NOT include your kids, spouse or home. My instant response: "Food, Wine, Design". I stared at the page. I loved the catchy phrase but thought "how lame". There is no inherent purpose or depth in any of those things...but I was being honest. Now what? Write down three things you're good at. Hmmm: Writing - on some days. Training/Teaching - some people. Cooking - some foods. The final step was to try and link the three things that make you feel joy, relaxation and peacefulness (Food, Wine and Design) to the activities you're good at (Writing, Training, Cooking). The concept is to see on paper the perfect"marriage" of passion and proficiency - because that's the recipe for meaningful work!
What I saw on paper was, at first, very confusing. I'm supposed to cook, teach, or write about food, wine and design? That's meaningful?
After deeper thought, I realized that my happiest, most fulfilling careers involved writing for a design magazine and training for a world class interior design company. Inspiring people to surround themselves with beauty, and embrace life's simplest, yet finest pleasures brought me great joy. I wasn't saving lives, nor was I stressed by the need to. But every once in a while, I did strike a chord with a client, a reader or a design trainee; by helping them connect with life's sweetest offerings. I was on a mission to share my passion for simple abundance with the world. I'd stress the need for everyone to surround themselves with pretty things that have significance and that tell the story of a life well lived. I'd teach people to capture favourite memories and display them through pictures and objects. I'd write articles encouraging people to savour life's natural treasures; artfully prepared foods and finely aged wine; gorgeous tableware, delicate flowers, finely crafted fabrics of natural fibers; candlelight, fragrance and flavours.
I valued the chance to write and teach about special things that make the heart sing and the spirit soar: great style, great design, great food and great wine...and while none of these things will change the world - combined, they can inspire inner peace, raise money for greater causes and keep us grounded, by connecting us to our roots.
The mini-epiphany of the moment surfaces: perhaps the day will come - very soon - where "Food, Wine and Design" will be a column, a business, a website or a blog. I can't wait to see what the next "moment" will bring!
I'm sure that one day, I'll be hit head-on with a "vision". I'll understand my purpose - the meaning of life and the secrets of the universe...but by then it may be too late. So, I figured I ought to be a little bit more pro-active in finding something cool and meaningful to do later in life and I dug out a cool article that appealed to me several months ago. It was one of those intriguing pieces found in a magazine - and I knew that one day, in one "moment", I'd be inspired to do something with it.
The article suggested to write down three things you really enjoy - that DOES NOT include your kids, spouse or home. My instant response: "Food, Wine, Design". I stared at the page. I loved the catchy phrase but thought "how lame". There is no inherent purpose or depth in any of those things...but I was being honest. Now what? Write down three things you're good at. Hmmm: Writing - on some days. Training/Teaching - some people. Cooking - some foods. The final step was to try and link the three things that make you feel joy, relaxation and peacefulness (Food, Wine and Design) to the activities you're good at (Writing, Training, Cooking). The concept is to see on paper the perfect"marriage" of passion and proficiency - because that's the recipe for meaningful work!
What I saw on paper was, at first, very confusing. I'm supposed to cook, teach, or write about food, wine and design? That's meaningful?
After deeper thought, I realized that my happiest, most fulfilling careers involved writing for a design magazine and training for a world class interior design company. Inspiring people to surround themselves with beauty, and embrace life's simplest, yet finest pleasures brought me great joy. I wasn't saving lives, nor was I stressed by the need to. But every once in a while, I did strike a chord with a client, a reader or a design trainee; by helping them connect with life's sweetest offerings. I was on a mission to share my passion for simple abundance with the world. I'd stress the need for everyone to surround themselves with pretty things that have significance and that tell the story of a life well lived. I'd teach people to capture favourite memories and display them through pictures and objects. I'd write articles encouraging people to savour life's natural treasures; artfully prepared foods and finely aged wine; gorgeous tableware, delicate flowers, finely crafted fabrics of natural fibers; candlelight, fragrance and flavours.
I valued the chance to write and teach about special things that make the heart sing and the spirit soar: great style, great design, great food and great wine...and while none of these things will change the world - combined, they can inspire inner peace, raise money for greater causes and keep us grounded, by connecting us to our roots.
The mini-epiphany of the moment surfaces: perhaps the day will come - very soon - where "Food, Wine and Design" will be a column, a business, a website or a blog. I can't wait to see what the next "moment" will bring!
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