defining moments

In a recent leadership forum, we were asked to discuss defining moments in our professional lives - stuff that shaped the type of leader we have become or want to become... I had immediate flashbacks to my days at Ethan Allen and the teachings of a CEO I admired. Cool stuff he used to say to us had far reaching impact...like grow the people and the profit will grow itself: Launch any major project when you're 75% ready, because perfecting that last 25% takes as long as the first 75%, with less of a return..."almost ready" gives you permission to tweak as you go! My favourite: It's easy to make things look complicated, but very hard to make things look easy! I use that EVERY day as we try to simplify everything we do! There's no question, my management philosophies are borrowed from a cool CEO - and a few inspired business writers with something a little different to say: Marcus Buckingham, Jack Canfield, and a small dose of Covey...

All that reflection about work got me to wondering about defining moments in life. Things that shaped the kind of mother and wife I am. So a few glasses of wine later, I came to a not-so-startling conclusion: the things that had the most profound impact weren't "words of wisdom" from experts in motherhood or inspirational sayings from some pop psychologist! Not that I didn't read every bit of that stuff - babies sleep on their stomachs....wait, backs, nooo, wrong again...with every new pregnancy and baby came a new fangled set of rules...drink coffee - no - don't...you need more vitamin D - or is it E, definately B - you're stressed! Feed them peas first - no carrots...surprisingly all of my kids made it through infancy, and even survived decades of sports, camps, school and every kind of nut, shell fish and tropical fruit...

So - as my oldest turns 21, and my youngest 12...with three in between... I CAN say one thing for certain: It doesn't matter what Dr. Phil, Dr. Berman, Dr. Laura, Dr. Oz, Dr.Spock or Dr. Seuss publishes - personal defining moments are not shaped by any life altering quote in a best selling book...at least not for me...Instead, I believe it's actual life altering events and the way we respond to them that mould us. Not words on a page, but feelings in our gut. The call that said my husband was in a car accident and may not survive, ...the doctor visit when my son was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes... There's no question that I reprioritized my life, formed a new outlook on what was truly important, and reinforced my backbone in the wake of crisis. I believe that we all have an "authentic self" that gets moulded by whatever life throws at us in those "defining moments" ...my mould has changed shapes a few times over the years...
(I like to think that my mould is growing...and not that I'm growing mold!).

So, every now and then, when I'm deep in thought...it's cool to take inventory of the defining moments, joyful and tragic, that, when combined, make up a person's character, and could easily make up the chapters of any self help, psycho babble book at Amazon today!!! Hey - now there's an inspiring idea.