I've always been a fan of rituals...If that's even the right name for those moments of celebration and gratitude, punctuated with a tradition of some sort. As kids get older, and our family evolves into the next stage of being a "family", a few of the traditions need an overhaul...and as a mom, that's a tough pill to swallow...I miss building gingerbread houses and colouring Easter Eggs...Making Valentines Cookies and Carving Jack O Lanterns!
As we get older, the bunny hops right out of the Easter scene, the Red Suit is retired at Christmas, and the Hallmark events like Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Valentine's Day and even Halloween start screaming out for a new way to acknowledge the moment! The faster pace of a teenager-fueled life means that we need to get creative with the very traditions that once defined the moment for our family! It's been an interesting journey for me as I reconcile with letting go of some childhood rituals and decide on my "non negotiables" going forward!
For example, while Peter Rabbit is "out" - he was replaced with an elaborate treasure hunt involving 400 plastic, colour-coded eggs and a lovely brunch. These were the non-negotiables - for every age category - including all the parents! While Santa has stopped coming down the chimney, Santa Breakfast and Sleighrides are a distant, fond memory - abundant traditions have taken over, including an annual friends and family holiday party and reveillon - the non-negotiables!
This year, Samantha and I were in Atlanta for US Nationals on Valentine's day and in Toronto for Canadian Nationals on Mother's day, so...I made a conscious decision to call for a re-do! Who said the dates for these celebrations are written in stone anyway? I decided that celebrating "people" - like a valentine, a mother, a father...should not be relagated to one day a year anyway! I decided that, while acknowledging the anniversary of someone's birth or wedding is nice, actually CELEBRATING that person or that marriage can and should be a regular occurance...I came to the conclusion that, while some rituals are sacred, forming a piece of the family's foundation, by defining their identity through the traditions they hold dear - others are more superficial...the birthday cake, song and balloons - yep - should be on the birthday - but the gathering of friends and family to celebrate that person - should not be limited to a 24 hour window. Mothers, Fathers and people we love should be acknowledged every day...not once a year - on an arbitrary date - determined by the greeting card companies!
Yesterday, my mother and I spent the day together...shopping, having lunch, hanging out, catching up..there were no crowds and line ups at the restaurant and no pressure to make things picture perfect. It was the best non-Mothers day ever! No-one was let down because the surprize breakfast in bed wasn't a surprize...or the toast burned...no pressure to get the right card or make the best home made trinket!!! I'll always treasure those adorable gifts - but what I really treasured this year was the authenticity of the day - a week after the Hallmark date - and a real, non-commercial celebration of mother/daughter...mother/son bonds...where we spend time together because we genuinely want to, and call to truly hear one another's voice - not because the date on the calendar reminds us that we should!!!
This year was a real turning point for me. I'll always value traditions, I'll always maintain my non-negotiables...but have a very real desire today to link the rituals I engage in with a genuine appreciation of the purpose...not just a Martha-Stewart-like "make it perfect" because the magazines and mall signage hold us accountable to those events - so we better measure up!!! I like this new attitude...no stress because Josh's birthday dinner was in May, Mother's Day lunch was a week late, and Valentine's day saw us a thousand miles apart! This year, we celebrated with a genuine appreciation of each other and by abandonning our commitment to the date, we renewed our commitment to the purpose!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment